


The Boys Got Beans

by AlienAlkali



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: A world without Gabe think about that, Blood, Breaking into Le Grand Paris, Chloé wets her bed, Comedy, Crack, Cussing, Everybody say ‘hi Mr. Demon!’, Gen, Gonna make Chloé pee XD, Hey let’s knock Lila unconscious, Ivan’s a good voice actor, Juleka is very confident, Little bitch deserved what she got, Luka is their supplier and hitman, Luka knows what’s up, Lukanette teaser, Luka’s all like “hey hey want any BEANS”, Mari saves the day again, Marinette being close with all the boys at school, Me and the boys at 2am looking for beans, Mentioned Ruleka, Oh shit we killed Gabriel, Ouija Board, Was it even really a mistake?, We love big brother Luka, because Mari should be allowed to cuss in this fic, meme turned fic, summoning demons, that moment when you kill your best friend’s father, they fucked up, what Juleka does in her spare time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25813204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlienAlkali/pseuds/AlienAlkali
Summary: “So let me get this straight. You guys were having a sleepover and accidentally summoned a demon and now you’ve killed someone?”And that’s how they found themselves in Gabriel’s study in the Agreste mansion.“You guys are seriously screwed.”
Relationships: Luka Couffaine & Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Marc Anciel/Nathaniel Kurtzberg
Comments: 24
Kudos: 98





	The Boys Got Beans

“So let me get this straight. You guys were having a sleepover and accidentally summoned a demon and now you’ve killed someone?”

Marinette was standing in someone’s house—she didn’t know whose—and was talking with all the boys in her class. Well, all except for Adrien, who was put on socialisation restrictions. Oh, and Marc was here, too.

“Uh... yeah, that sounds about right,” Kim confirmed. 

Marinette bit her lip, trying to keep her cool. “And you expect me to fix this?”

The logic behind calling Marinette to help the boys was that Marinette was smart, loyal, and helpful...

“That would be correct,” Nino reassured.

...Surely she knew how to fix this.

“And the thought never occurred to any of you THAT I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING?!” Mari winced when she realised she had raised her voice, scaring the group of boys. She took several deep breaths and calmed down.

“Sorry,” Nathaniel muttered.

“No, no, it’s fine. It’s all going to be okay. We can fix this. First thing I need to know is who died.”

And that’s how they found themselves in Gabriel’s study in the Agreste mansion.

“You guys are seriously screwed.”  
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Marinette took a walk around the mansion to make sure everything else was okay and to clear her mind while the boys summoned the demon with their ouija board. Again.

Nathalie wasn’t anywhere to be seen; she must have gone home. And Adrien was sound asleep, snoring like an angel. 

_How ironic. A demon killed this angel’s father._ But that’s okay, because Mari could fix this. Right?

Reluctantly, she tore herself from Adrien’s doorway and went back to Gabriel’s study. There was blood on the floor surrounding Gabriel’s cold, lifeless body. But that wasn’t even the scary part.

Because in the middle of the room was a fucking demon.

“So, um, Mr. Demon says we must trade one soul for another.”

Well fuck.

“However,” Max chips in, “Mr. Demon is willing to bring Gabriel back from hell if we bring him André Bourgeois’s driver license, a chunk of dyed hair, and... magic beans.”

“Umm... okay—wait, did you say bring him back from hell?!” _I knew knew Gabriel was going to hell someday._

“Uh, yeah. Is that all, Mr. Demon?” Marc asked. Mr. Demon made weird gurgling noises. “Oh, he said he also wants us to wax Lila’s eyebrows off. And none of us can use our own hair. Also, it must be done before sunrise.”

“Wait, Marc, you can talk to demons?” Marc shrugged. Marinette decided not to question it any further. This night was already fucked up and it was only 10 pm. 

Mr. Demon left and the group just stared at each other, not really sure where to start. Marinette spoke up first. “Well, I guess we better split up into groups if we’re going to get this done by sunrise.”

She then assessed everyone. There were six boys and herself. Seven total. “Okay, Max, I need you to take Ivan and Nino with you to break into the Bourgeois penthouse. You may have to hack the alarm system, so make sure you have the proper equipment.”

“Nathaniel, I need you to take Marc and Kim with you to wax Lila’s eyebrows off. One of you knows how to wax, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. Meanwhile, I’m going to go tell Luka about our situation and ask if we can borrow his hair. Once you’re all done doing that, meet up at Luka’s place. We’ll figure out where we can get magic beans from there, got it?”

Six heads nodded. “Good. Let’s break!”  
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Nino wasn’t prepared for the things he saw. Max was on his laptop outside the door to the Bourgeois penthouse of Le Grand Paris Hotel, taking care of the alarm system and making sure nothing went wrong while Nino and Ivan snuck in. 

They tiptoed into the master suite only to find Mayor Bourgeois in a bathrobe, fluffy bunny slippers, cucumbers on his eyes, and some weird green spread all over his face.

“Ew, is that vomit?” Nino whispered.

“No, I think it’s an all-natural face mask. Mylène was telling me about it the other day. You know how she is with everything eco-friendly,” Ivan answered back, being extra careful as to not wake Mayor Bourgeois.

“Oh, man, I gotta get a pic of this.”

“Hey, guys, quit talking, we gotta find his driver’s license,” Max called from outside the room.

“Shhhh,” they shushed in unison. 

Once they were sure that Mayor Bourgeois was sound asleep, they continued their search. Where was his wallet?

“Dude, how do we even know this man has a driver’s license? The man is too much of a snob to drive himself around.”

Ivan tried not to snicker, but kept searching anyways. He searched under the bed, and there was his wallet.

“Nino! I found his wallet!” he exclaimed—quietly—from underneath the bed before continuing to bonk his head on the frame.

_THUNK!_

Mayor Bourgeois snorted, startling in his sleep. “Huh? Chloé, is that you?”

The boys froze. _Do something!_ Nino’s lips seemed to say. Ivan panicked. “Yeah, I just... wanted to tell you how much I love you.” 

Nino’s eyes went wide, which Ivan didn’t know was possible because they were already so big. Ivan’s best impression of Chloé was spot on. 

Mayor Bourgeois hesitated. “Oh, well,” he chuckled, “I love you too, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight.”

“Wait, don’t I get a kiss?”

The two boys went completely still, which was also hard to do because they were already practically frozen. Nino gulped, nodding for Ivan to do so. Ivan shook his head. Nino nodded. No. Yes. No! Yes!

“Chloé?”

Ivan internally shot himself as he leaned down, kissing Mayor Bourgeois on the cheek. 

“Night, daddy,” Ivan forced himself to say.

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

The two of them walked out of his room and into the living room where Max was on the couch, phone in his hand, smirking.

“Oh, I am _definitely_ not going to let you forget this.”

Ivan saw Max holding up a picture of him kissing Mayor Bourgeois on the cheek and his face flushed. “Do not!” he whispered.

“I’ve already sent it to the group chat.” Nino stifled his giggling as Ivan questioned his existence. Max went back to his laptop, all business. 

“Check if he’s got a license. Mr. Demon wouldn’t have asked for it if it didn’t exist.”

“Or would he?” Nino questioned.

Ivan opened the wallet and started going through all the cards before he came across the driver’s license. “Ah! Found it!”

“Aw, sweet, bro!” Nino exclaimed in a hushed tone. 

“Great. Now put the wallet back where you found it and let’s get _out_ of here.” Max was getting impatient. Murphy’s Law states that anything that _can_ go wrong, _will_ go wrong. 

Murphy’s Law. The one law of science that will screw you over.

Ivan came back and Max was about to get off his laptop when they heard Chloé toss in her sleep in the other room. 

“You thinking what I’m thinking?” Nino asked.

Max raised an eyebrow. “What? Because if I’m thinking what you’re thinking, then I think I might like this idea.”

“Just to be clear,” Ivan interjected, “we’re all thinking about putting Chloé’s hand in warm water, right?”  
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“Y’know, Nathaniel, typically people wait until _after_ eleven to pull out the ouija board,” Kim mentioned. Nathaniel just shrugged.

“I’m surprised he took our gyros as valid payment for summoning in the first place,” Marc said.

“Well, I mean, you do make amazing tzatziki sauce and hummus,” Nathaniel murmured softly, earning a smile from Marc and a kiss on the cheek.

“Yeah, what was up with that hummus? It was almost spicy.”

“Oh, you must have grabbed one made with my specialty jalapeño and cilantro hummus spread,” Marc answered, and Nathaniel thought it was the cutest thing in the world how he smiled.

They walked the rest of the way to the Rossi house in silence, Marc and Nathaniel holding hands the whole way there. 

“Okay, Lila’s room should be...” Marc looked around. “That one! With the open window.”

“How do you know that?” Nathaniel asked.

“I was walking down the street one day and saw her in her room.” He turned to Kim. “You know how to knock someone out?”

“Yeah?”

“Good. We might need you to do that. She has problems falling asleep, so she takes melatonin. Hopefully that’ll keep her from waking up.”

“Again, how do you know this?” 

“I met her Mom while at the Dupain-Cheng bakery once. She seemed really nice, so we talked for a while and it kind of just came up.” _It was really easy to get her to spill though. She’s not very bright,_ Marc added to himself.

They shrugged it off and opened Lila’s window further, relieved to find her fast asleep. On her nightstand was a bottle of melatonin. Kim poked her gently, satisfied that she hadn’t woken up. Nathaniel took the needed supplies from his bag and smirked.

“This is gonna be good.”  
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“Oh, dudes, she is going to be so pissed when she wakes up.”

Ivan grinned, putting a finger to his lips as he held his phone, camera rolling. 

“She won’t _be_ pissed, Nino. She’ll have _already_ pissed,” Max got out before breaking down into silent giggles as he lowered Chloé’s hand into the bowl of warm water. They had boiled a pot then let it cool so it didn’t burn her, but it still had a bit of steam coming off the surface. It was the temperature of a really nice hot springs.

A moment later, Chloé sighed. Nino had to bite his hand so he wouldn’t burst into laughter out loud. 

“I think she just wet the bed,” Ivan whispered.  
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Marc snapped a picture on his phone once they were done. Lila may or may not have woken up while they were waxing her eyebrows, in which Kim may or may not have knocked her unconscious before she could focus on their faces or scream. 

Marc looked around her room, curious as to what was around when his eyes landed on some markers. He nudged Nathaniel, who looked over.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”

Nathaniel smirked. “Oh, how I love the way you think.” He cupped his boyfriend’s face and gave him a kiss on the lips before walking over to the table and grabbing a black sharpie. 

Kim was grinning from ear to ear as Nathaniel did what he did best, drawing a fancy moustache on Lila’s upper lip. He handed the sharpie to Marc, who then wrote “Punch Me” on her forehead.

Kim took a picture and sent it to the group chat.  
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Marinette had decided to transform into Ladybug as she sprinted on top of the roofs of Paris. It was faster this way, and they only had until dawn to do all three tasks _and_ get the magic beans. And the magic beans could take a while, considering she didn’t know where to look, what they looked like, how to obtain them, and you probably couldn’t find them on the black market, so.

Several akuma attacks had happened in the past week, Chat Noir and her had been wearing themselves thin fighting battles every six hours (at the very best), running on little to no sleep. This left her curious as to why no akumatisations had happened yet. That was odd.

But her mind didn’t have time to worry about such things, Marinette was on a mission. She ran along the banks of the Seine until she reached home—er, Anarka’s boat-house. _Yeah. That’s what I meant._

She sprint head-on towards Luka’s open window, jumping and detransforming mid-air, the epitome of grace and agility when she landed almost silently. 

Luka was on his bed, strumming a sweet indie toon on his guitar when Marinette landed. His head bolted up, fully alert.

“Marinette? How’d you—” he started, clearly confused. His posture had relaxed significantly when he identified her, but she noticed that his shoulders were still slightly tense as he sat upright.

“Uh... I’m really good at the long jump,” she lied. Well, maybe it was true. She’d never tried track and field before.

“Oh. Okay.” Luka relaxed into a more comfortable and casual position. “So, what brings you here on this fine night?”

She blushed. “Oh, uh. Well, you see...”

So she spent the next two minutes explaining the situation they were in, waiting for him to call her crazy, but he remained silent and blank faced. 

“You probably think I’m a psychopath by now, which is totally understandable and probably don’t believe me, either...” she rambled, trailing off when Luka gave her a soft smile. 

“Marinette, you’re not crazy. Actually, I’m really glad you came to me about this. It makes me happy to see you trust me with such an awkward problem.” 

“O-oh. Really? So, you think you could...”

“Help? Of course. Anything for you and for my friends.” Marinette melted when he smiled at her. He was so kind to her. She didn’t feel worthy of his friendship. “You need my hair, correct?”

“Just a few strands. Here—” she pulled out a piece of cloth “—you can use this to wrap it in.”

Luka turned towards his desk and pulled out a pair of scissors, handing it to Marinette. Mari’s eyebrows furrowed.

“You don’t want to do it yourself?”

“I trust you.” 

It was a small and simple act of trust, but one that showed Marinette just how much Luka trusted her. 

“What if I mess up?”

He smiled. “Then we can fix it together.”

The world had expected everything from Ladybug. They expected her to always be there, to always make things better. Ladybug carried the weight of the world and everyone knew it. Marinette carried the weight of the world in silence, forbidden to speak a word of her troubles. 

Chat Noir expected her to fix the world on her own.

Adrien was clueless because of her own doubts and flaws.

But Luka, clueless as he was, never expected her to be perfect, but was always there to help her fix her broken pieces. He never expected the world from her, and he was never distant.

Marinette was never alone with Luka.

Marinette took the scissors, a symbol of his trust, and put it to his hair as he sat down. 

She looked in the vanity mirror in front of them and selected her patch of strands, cutting it at the roots in a fashion so it would not stand out. 

_SNIP!_

She wrapped the patch in the fabric and inspected the damage, which wasn’t even noticeable if he wore his typical hairstyle. 

“See? No harm done.” Marinette made eye contact with him in the mirror and they stayed like that for a while. 

“Thank you, Luka. For everything.”

“Even heroes need help sometimes, too.”

And the bloody bastard _winked!_

“Shhh! You’re going to wake up all of Paris if you don’t shut up!” came whispers from the outside deck. Max. 

“No I’m not!” came another whisper-shout. Kim. 

Luka opened his door and waved before opening it all the way, inviting them in. Six boys filed into Luka’s room and looked to Mari with smug faces and grinning mouths. 

“Dude, have you checked the group chat?” Nino asked. Mari shook her head and unlocked her phone, taken aback by the amount of messages in it. 

She scrolled through all the pictures and snickered. “Wow, you guys went all out, huh?”

“Yeah! It was so fun and scary at the same time!” Ivan added enthusiastically. She could only imagine the amounts of adrenaline running through their veins as they committed their crimes. Even just imagining the thrill of getting caught sent a wave of adrenaline through her. 

“Great! So you got Mayor Bourgeois’s drivers license?”

“Yeah, right here,” Nino responded, pulling out the card.

“Perfect! I got some of Luka’s hair. All we need is the magic beans.” A silence fell upon them. “Where do we get magic beans?”

Six heads shook and shoulders shrugged. Marinette looked to Luka to see if he had any ideas. He was frowning and biting his lip, clearly thinking about something. 

“Luka?”

“I might know a girl.”  
.  
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And that’s how they found themselves at a nightclub. Just eight teenagers enjoying themselves at a club and helping themselves to alcohol. Nothing to see here. 

Some stranger slipped Nino a vodka, so _obviously_ he was going to try some. So as soon as the dumbass put the bottle to his lips, he spit it out.

“Hey, say it, don’t spray it.”

“Sorry, Nathaniel. Didn’t mean to get you.”

“Here, let me get you a towel,” Marc insisted as Nino set the bottle down. 

“In case anyone was wondering, vodka tastes _awful.”_

“It’s also very good for killing lice,” Max informed.

“Well no wonder it tastes so bad. I can hardly blame those poor lice.”

Once Marc had cleaned Nathaniel up (and maybe snogged him... a lot), Luka led the group to a more secluded corner of the club with a door and a bodyguard. 

“I’m here to talk with the boss.”

The bodyguard looked down at him and raised an eyebrow. “Beat it, kid.”

“Sir, it’s urgent.”

“Don’t make me ask again—”

“Luka?” 

A woman stood parting the crystal curtain of the doorway. She wore black five-inch platform wedges, close toed. Her dress was a black bandage dress with a high-neck mandarin collar, pankou knots, black nylons, and a purple Chinese dragon curling around the body of the dress. The dress itself came down mid-thigh. She had crystal dangle earrings that were distracting when she turned her head. Her eyeliner and mascara were thick and made her eyes pop, but her eyeshadow was a subtle dark grey. She had used colourless lip gloss, not lipstick. Her black hear was dyed purple at the tips and put in a mid-bun, supported by red chopsticks. Actually, she looked to be about their age.

“Jules. You look nice tonight. I see you put extra care into your makeup.”

“Juleka?” one of the boys behind Mari whispered.

“Oh. Thank you. You better come in.”

Still shocked by how confident and different Juleka seemed here, the rest of the group followed behind. 

Juleka sat behind a round table that could seat four. Luka took a seat opposite her and Marinette between them while the boys stood.

“Anything new?” 

“No, just... completing some orders.” Marinette didn’t question the body bag tossed in the corner or what was in it.

“Ah.” Juleka seemed a little uncomfortable with her classmates in the room, getting a very small piece of her life outside of school and home. 

She poured two cups of tea from her pot, the liquid still hot, and offered them to Luka and Marinette, who accepted gratefully. 

“So what brings you eight here tonight?”

Luka took a sip of his tea all nonchalant. “Oh, just a request for an order.”

“Luka, you know I would give you anything. No price, no questions.”

“You remember the old myths Mom would tell us about those magic beans when we were kids?”

Juleka swiped her bangs behind her ear as a stray strand of hair fell in her face. “Yeah?”

“And you remember the, ah, reward you got from delivering that one order about six months ago? The one that came in the Chinese puzzle box?”

“Yes? I’ve still got it. I just haven’t figured out what they’re useful for.” She thought for a moment. “I know I said I wouldn’t ask questions, but this is a rather rare item you are asking for and I can’t help but be curious...”

“Ah, and I would love to tell you, little sister, but it’s a long story and we are on a time crunch. I can, however, reassure you that I’m putting it to good use.”

Juleka nodded, satisfied with his answer. She got up from her chair and walked over to her vault, taking out a small box and handing it to Marinette. 

“Well, I wish you all good luck on your quest, now if you’ll excuse me, I have some unfinished business to attend to.” Marinette didn’t miss Juleka’s glance towards the bodybag in the corner, but shit was weird enough already, so she let it go.

“Oh, Luka, do you mind dropping this by Rose’s windowsill before you head home? I’d do it myself, but I’ll be working a little while longer.”

“Sure thing, sis.” He took the rose with the note attached to it and gave her a kiss on the cheek.  
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Marinette was still suffering from second-hand embarrassment on the walk back, pretending she didn’t know her classmates as they shouted “WHOOO! THE BOYS GOT BEANS!”

The boys had finished their incantations and whatnot by the time Mari had finished solving the Chinese puzzle box, finding the magic beans in there, which strangely looked a lot like pinto beans. 

And so Mr. Demon was summoned. For the third time in the past twelve hours. 

It was an hour before dawn, Marinette reassured herself. 

“We have done all the things you asked for, Mr. Demon. Now will you pretty please bring back our friend’s father?” Marc’s green eyes sparkled like an anime character, and Nathaniel nearly had a stroke. He would draw that later. 

Mr. Demon grumbled in Demonic before the offerings were placed in front of him. 

“So what is all of this for?” Kim asked.

Marc translated the howls of hell. “He says the hair and the license are for the resurrection. Waxing Lila’s eyebrows was just for fun.”

“And the magic beans?”

“That’s because he was hungry.”  
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Marinette and the boys were sitting down at a café the following morning enjoying coffee, compliments of Nathaniel. They were laughing about the events of the previous night, going into further detail about what exactly had gone down. 

They were having a laugh about Ivan having to kiss Mayor Bourgeois’s cheek when the news channel caught Mari’s attention. 

“Hey. Hey, guys, look.” Everyone stopped talking at the table and turned their attention to the television screen, showing Nadja Chamack. 

“—Police reports seem to have already done an investigation and can’t find the person behind the theft.”

It went to show a live stream from Le Grand Paris Hotel.

_“I was getting ready for my day and went to grab my wallet, which was right where I left it when I had dropped it the previous night. But when I opened it up, my driver’s license was gone! I demand justice!”_

The camera went back to Nadja. 

“And now for our akuma coverage. Ladybug and Chat Noir have been working harder than normal this past week and _finally_ got a break this last night up until about six in the morning, in which Hawkmoth released an attack. Luckily, our favourite heroes were quick to arrive and got rid of the danger. Both Ladybug and Chat Noir are puzzled as to why Hawkmoth had given them a break last night.” 

Marinette watched with interest, having to shush someone every now and then. She finally tore her eyes from the screen once Nadja was done with her akuma coverage. 

Mari’s mind starting making a timeline of the past twenty-four hours. _Hold on. No akuma attacks last night? The last attack was eight in the evening, I got a call from the boys at ten, we resurrected Gabriel at around four, and then got attacked at six..._

Marinette remembered how Adrien had texted her about fifteen minutes after the resurrection that his father was ill and that he was really concerned. Marc had informed Mari that newly resurrected beings typically got ill... 

And the encounter with Mayura this morning? She had briefly mentioned something about Hawkmoth’s weak state... 

Mari spit out her coffee. 

“HOLY SHIT!” 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are great and all, but comments warm my heart. 💓
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @legend-of-the-fandoms. Please come say hi!!
> 
> Hope y’all enjoyed this! Grazie, amici!  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> Juleka is a broker and a hitman. She totally wasn’t working on an order for Kagami... 👀
> 
> Maybe Gabe should use this method to bring back Emilie instead of terrorising Paris (and soon to be the rest of the world).


End file.
